how i was almost murdered in kindergarten

ever since i was little (up to a certain age, mind you) i always enjoyed playing on the swing set. and by playing on the swing set i mean, i enjoyed demanding others push me high into the air until their arms fall off.

My brother found and adapted my favorite swing set move. "the fire ball". it consisted of him pulling me back as far as he could, like a roller coaster slowly climbing a hill...back wards. then he would push me forward as hard as he could while simultaneously running behind me. the goal was to go so fast that the pusher could get far enough in front of the push-ee fast enough, that they wouldn't get smacked in the back of the head. i imagine there was probably concern for the one on the swing. i mean, if they hit someone on the ground there's a fair chance he/she would fall off. but My brother (being the 4 year old role model he was) always did it right, and it was awesome. it looks something like this

you might notice that in position 3 I'm on fire. that's how i interpreted it in my young 5 year old mind. by far, the biggest adrenaline rush i could find at that age.

so i thought id take my new found move to school, and impress all my friends with the "atomic fireball". I was never good at math, and even worse at basic common sense at that age (feel free to speculate on how that may or may not have changed). so when my best friend Cory wanted a push on the swings, i happily obliged. this is Cory.

you may notice something different about Cory. stop guessing. it's a cast. shutup. MS paint is a hellish beast to tame.

my mind skipped right over the area in my brain that would normally alert me to impending danger

the thought to abandon ship never even had a chance as my will to attempt the stunt I'd only seen a few times before thrashed around violently in my head

it was a mistake.

as the reader with forethought might hypothesize, i was not fast enough to beat Cory under the swing, and his giant fluorescent cast collided perfectly with my skull and sent me immediately into hysteria.

it bled quickly. the blood went from my head, to my white, white shirt. which was soon spattered with blood.

things quickly escalated from horrible to truly horrific. as i was rushed to the nurses office i was sure i had suffered brain damage along with the fear i felt of bleeding out.

people with casts have no soul. don't believe a dang word they tell you.